Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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