I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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