honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize