I wish I could teleport
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
