so that wasnt chicken after all
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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