my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
