Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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