well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
