You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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