Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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