Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
