i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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