my soul wont recognize me after tonight
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
