soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
