he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
