Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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