THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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