Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
