You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
