my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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