Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i can't believe i had my finger in that
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
