But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
