the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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