how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
