the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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