i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
