We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
