my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
