Got a toothbrush?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
