The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
