member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
