meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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