So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
