THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
