We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
