Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
