I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
