i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
