that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
