Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize