if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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