No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
