A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize