Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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