I can text with my tongue
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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