roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize