How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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