I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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