I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
