I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
