Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
