If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
