i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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