It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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