dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He better not be in your backpack
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
