someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
