She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize