Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
