So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
