Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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