Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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