he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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