Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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