just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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