dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize