Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
