the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You made out with two different species that night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
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