I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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