just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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