in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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