Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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