Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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