ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
