I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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