i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
