can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize