Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
