Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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