He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
