i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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