Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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