so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
