the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize