Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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