I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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