some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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