dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
