Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
