2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
