I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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