I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize