White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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