i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
