Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just had sex on a roof
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
