I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
