I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Randomize