Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
