So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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