Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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