Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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