i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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