sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
