oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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