so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
